herroyaldarkness:

      “Do you no longer wish for me to visit you?”

“Are you ever going to stop asking me that?”

herroyaldarkness:

  “I don’t ——- know. I don’t understand how this happened
  or why it’s so difficult.  It’s just that  I  have all of these
 feelings that I can’t make sense of. I thought that if I
  ever did find love again it would be simple, granted being
  married nullifies that hope, yet even still. It should be simple.
  I love Jefferson.  But now… now I’m not certain of anything.
  Only that I don’t want to lose either of you. And if what I
  feel for him truly is love, and it feels very much as though it
  is, then how can I be so easily led into wanting you just
  the same? I —- don’t understand any of this, Maleficent.”

“Yes, you’ve made that perfectly clear dear. You LOVE him. But you don’t need to love me. Do you have any idea what it’s like? To be what I am — to have lost it, lost everything. You are the first person I’ve seen in years. The first person I’ve — cared  to in even longer. You don’t think about how long it has been for me, your whole lifetime in fact, and then you come here and…dangle yourself  in front of me, and get upset when I want you? You are lucky that my care for you outweighs that. Or you would have been DEAD weeks ago. You are the one who walked in to the fire, you can’t blame me if it’s starting to burn. I have followed through with your wishes, but you are foolish if you think I’ve been enjoying it.”

herroyaldarkness:

  Several minutes tick by as Regina stares at her. Struck into
  silence and awe. There was no way for her to understand
  what the words are doing to her.  Or the full implication
  therein. Her heart pounds so rapidly it hurts, or perhaps its
  something else causing the pain just beneath her ribs. She
  would claw it out to make the sensation stop were she more
  brave. She didn’t like it. She didn’t like not understanding
  what she was feeling. Not knowing why her hands were
  trembling or why she felt terrified and mesmerized by the
  woman  before  her. Why she felt the words hit her hard,
  sharp and thrilling. When at last her voice pierces the
  thick, tension filled silence, it’s soft and meek. Barely above
  a whisper.

        “Maleficent…. I —- “  but there’s no conclusion to the
        thought. No grand finale or poignant confession. Only
        hesitant feet leading her closer, until she stops just a
        foot away from the woman. All of her is trembling now.
        In fear. In apprehension. In some foreign desire she’s
        never known the taste of.  With a thick swallow against
        a drying throat, she shakes her head.
                            “—— I didn’t realize…”            

“I’m aware.”

Would she have spoken if she thought otherwise? If she thought for a moment that her feelings were already known? Where would have been the need to? No she was pushed into spewing her truth, ripping it raw and beating from her chest and setting it on display. She loathed it. Feeling it alone no less admitting it. It was weak, and that was one thing she would never be.

“I don’t need your pity. I don’t know what the hell I do need, but if you pity me Regina so help me—”

herroyaldarkness:

 Regina flinches back from her words, not even a full step away
 from her, but enough to make certain her reverence for
 Maleficent is known. There is nothing certain left for her to
 know. Not even how the woman will react to anything Regina
 might offer her. Still, some unnamed boldness moves her
 hand as she reaches out, not without any caution, to take
 hold of Maleficent’s hand and step closer. An earnest
 gleam glosses over her dark gaze, genuine in its desire to
 help, no matter how unequipped she might be to do just that. 

   “I don’t pity you, Maleficent. I can barley pity myself,“
   she assures her, voice bold. She doesn’t need to remind
   herself all the ways she deserves pity. For what was stolen
   from her. For what she was thrust into. For what she’d
   always been denied. She might not understand Maleficent’s
   struggle, or even the meaning of her complex feelings for
   the woman, but she understands not knowing what she
   wants. She knows how it feels to be constantly dissatisfied
   and longing. To feel empty and unsated by all that
   she possesses. 

 With a thundering heart  dizzying her with every pounding
 beat throbbing in her ear, she  Moves her other hand up,
 hesitantly hovering  it between them before letting it settle
 against Maleficent’s cheek. A soft, reassuring smile appears
 as Regina moves closer, pushing up onto the balls of her
 feet to reach a height level with the other woman, then
 gently pressing a kiss against soft and invitingly warm lips. 

The kiss is welcome for only a moment, just enough for her eyes to shut, though that’s more so she doesn’t have to see the look she will be given in return. One hand pries itself free from Regina’s grasp, the other latching on to the wrist of the one that touches her face, pulling it down as she steps back out of reach. "Do not — do this right now Regina. Do not patronize me with whatever meager affection you think I deserve.” Her words are harsh and hurt, though she swallows the latter back as she stands taller once again, and drops her hold on either of Regina’s hands. Her insides are simmering, causing each breath to be a long and deep heave, forcibly taken in and back out to keep her from doing something she might just regret.

“What made you think that was a wise decision?” She asks sharply, clearly rattled even as she tries to appear livid and nothing else. How dare she do the one thing that could get her out of this.

Maleficent’s hands turned to balled fists at her side, clenched tight enough for her nails to dig in to the flesh of her palm, just beginning to draw blood. What was it about this girl that exempted her from the death she would bring any other. That stayed her hand from latching on to that innocent throat and squeezing. If she didn’t already know it was impossible, she would think herself under some sort of spell.

herroyaldarkness:

“I —- “ She stammered to defend herself, uncertain as to why the kiss had not been received with the intention that laid behind it. She felt a twisting desperation within; one that knew no purpose other than to hurt. Her arms both raised once released, each cradling the other against her stomach. She had no idea what she was supposed to say, or do. She thought she’d been doing the right thing. Thought that following her heart’s leading would convince the other woman that she understood — at least, as well as she could —and that she wished to help. There was no name yet for what she felt towards Maleficent, but it wasn’t nothing. It was incredibly far from being nothing.

Regina flinched again at the vitriol in her voice as she spoke, shrinking back from the angry words. “I’m sorry,” she whispered out desperately, not even certain what she was supposed to be sorry for. She wasn’t truly sorry she had kissed Maleficent. She wasn’t sorry that she knew what she now did. “Maleficent…. please. I — I thought it was what you wanted of me,” she spoke at last, finding enough courage to speak with clarity and volume. “I can’t imagine what it must be like. To have been alone for so long… to have been left here without your fire; a piece of yourself gone.  I only… I thought I could help. I thought that, perhaps, if I let myself give you all that we could be, then maybe….” Losing track of her thought, Regina’s expression fell along with her gaze, both aiming at the ground.

“I didn’t mean to upset you,” she confessed at last, the words slipping out quietly upon a sigh.

Her reaction was expected, or at least the first part was. She wouldn’t have been at all surprised if the girl had fled altogether. But what did surprise her was that she stayed. With her arms across herself like she’d been hit in the gut, she stayed. As though she were the one who’d told too many secrets. Fire rumbled inside Maleficent, wanting to burn, burn anything within reach. It didn’t care what. And the only reason Regina did not fall victim to it was the woman standing before her, who for whatever foolish reason wouldn’t let it. Though why was beginning to become unclear.

She was almost dumbfounded at the way she spoke. Her words were familiar, and·intentionally too kind. It set a twist deep inside Maleficent that threatened to turn her inside out. She hated her. She hated how soft she made her want to be. She hated that she made her feel something — something old and dead and forgotten. She hated her.

She didn’t.

It was a miserable expression she wore when her gaze finally lifted, though Regina’s stayed cast down, she watched her. She knew not to think her words were lies, they sounded true and that was possibly the worst part of it. She was trying, but she had no understanding of what sort of woman she was dealing with. She knew only what she would want in any situation, not what a woman unlike her would. And if anything was clear, it was just how different they both were.

“I appreciate your trying, but if you think I would want you right now you don’t know me as well as my book has led you to think. I don’t need pity. And I don’t need you betraying your morals to make me feel better. Your offer while you may think it noble or caring is a little late right now.”

herroyaldarkness:

Regina truly did not know where she had gone wrong. The ache deep within her was far too deep for what the two of them were meant to be, but she ignored it. Pressed it down and focused on the moment. Reminded herself that she did love another. That he held her heart no matter how infrequently she was able to glimpse his. Yet, Maleficent’s anger and indifference were much more difficult to look past than her own aching chest. 

“You ——— you agreed to it,” she spoke in slow realization, the defense of herself rearing out of a void of fear and hurt faster than she had time to censor it. “You pursued me. Seduced me. Made me desire you, and when I told you what I was… able to give, you agreed.” Shaking her head with a deep, sad frown, she stared at Maleficent with a tearful gleam of treachery in her gaze. She had not earned this.

“I am not trying to hurt you,” she reiterated, her voice cracking through the thick emotion coating every word. “You cannot fault me for my frustration and overlook that you put yourself here just as I did,” she boldly ground out, her chin lifting with all the haughty defiance she possessed, which was anything but inspiring with the tears that welled pathetically in her eyes. “We created this together.” 

“If you think I need reminding of that you’re wrong, I am more than aware of what I agreed to. How I compromised for you. But what I can no longer seem to grasp is why. Why I would. I don’t change for anyone Regina. I don’t take only what I am given, if I want more it is mine. And yet you — you escape my wrath untouched, unburned, I let you.”

It tumbled out quicker than even she realized. More truth. More bile. She couldn’t make it stop. Years of having nothing, no one, made it all too easy to make up for lost time the minute she had an ear to tell it all to. Regina had not earned such grace from her for years spent earning it, no, she simply had it from the start. The day she met her her life was spared, and from then on it had remained so. Some block inside her that stalled her feet, her hands, that left her just out of harm’s way. She couldn’t make sense of it. But it was there. It held her back even now, back from doing something she’d regret.

“You can’t  hurt me.” She said with a certainness only she could boast. Who and what could harm a dragon? Almost nothing this world had to offer. Let alone a young girl. But what that said of the woman, even she did not know.

“We created nothing. As you made certain it had nowhere to go. You can’t fool me by changing your mind once I’ve sunken low enough for you.”

herroyaldarkness:

“Is that really how you see me?” Her voice broke with the words, no others able to filter between the cracks of her wounded heart. She did not truly know the depths of her desire or feeling for Maleficent. She did not understand this profoundly confusing attraction; emotional and physical. she only knew how much she felt herself growing to need it. How every moment she could spare was spent journeying here. To be at Maleficent’s side. To seek her company. Her touch. And to think this great sorceress that Regina aspired to as with no other thought her so shallow. So uncaring she would strive to bring the woman to her knees only to feign some interest?

Shaking her head, tears falling silently from her glistening gaze, Regina pulled her arms tighter around herself and looked to the ground. She hadn’t thought a rejection like this would hurt so badly. She hadn’t thought her feelings for the other woman ran deep enough for it. Her teeth grit against the pain, a new sort of friend coming to her, seeping up from the shadowy places of her soul. It filled her nostrils, and bathed her heart in its dark protection, giving her the strength to lift her gaze to the woman, now dark and dower in place of pitiful pain.

“Don’t do me any favors. If compromising for me, and letting me live is such a burden to you — then why don’t you end me? Take that fire you were too apathetic to reclaim on your own and reduce me to ash if that will make you happy.” Even as she spoke, the voice sounded foreign to her. Deeper, darker, and with more grit than what was familiar. Regret tinged the edges of her gaze, but she couldn’t take the words back now. Deep down, some hopeless part of her almost wished Maleficent would do it. At least then she could stop being consumed by all that was just beyond her grasp. Sating her pain. Finding revenge for Daniel. Being happy; Truly happy, for more than one night at a time. All of it seemed a worthwhile reward for the risk of her anger. How could death be any worse than the hell she was already living? Especially if her only friend and respite from the torment of her prison saw her as little more than this.

“Why do you care how I see you? What does it matter?” It was edging just on the side of genuine, the way she asked. How could her opinion mean anything to this girl? Her reverent gazes and constant visits said more than enough why, but she wanted to hear it. She wanted to hear how she could have such an impact. But before she could the other words began to sink in, creeping like vines, but she saw through the charade. She had tried nearly the same tactics after she’d lost her fire, all but begging for death from a man who would not give it. And nor would she give it either.

“It won’t make me happy. Nothing I could let myself do to you would.” She answered far too honestly, a steely cool setting over her while Regina put on her best front. “Do you think you’re impressing me with this sudden reckless behavior of yours? You can’t provoke me into doing anything I wouldn’t want on my own, and you’re doing a pathetic job at trying. Is apathetic the worst thing you’re willing to call me? Put a little more effort in my dear, if you really want to see me angry. Otherwise just stop with the display.”

herroyaldarkness:

A deep breath was drawn in and held as her threats were batted away like flies — harmless and irritating. Did Maleficent really think she had been bluffing? That she would not be happy to die given the chance? Despite her indignation at not being taken seriously, Regina bit back further argument. Instead glowering at Maleficent. Trying to mask the pain with anger. Trying not to appear weak.

“I was not trying to impress you with this.” She spoke, bitterness obvious in how the phrase was given. She’d been desperately trying to impress the woman in many ways since she’d met her, yet this one effort she chose to recognize, the others seemingly void. Didn’t she understand? Regina felt torn in two, and the rip grew wider every day. A love kept waiting for a man who she barely could hold, and something nearly just as strong weeding its way forcefully between every crack of her soul and skin, tendrils outstretching towards the warmth only fire could provide. She wasn’t trying to torment Maleficent any more than she desired to be tormented. She’d put limits on them to begin because she would not betray a love for a lust. But it was different now. There was more than just carnal curiosity for Maleficent brewing beneath her skin.

What tears she had cried dried in wandering tracks down her cheeks as she stared at the woman, arms still tightly crossed around her. “What is it you desire of me, Maleficent?” She asked, voice surprisingly calm for all that she’d just asked for. 

The longer she stood there the harder it got. It had her longing for fresh air, for oblivion. Neither of them were answering or asking the right questions. And she was growing tired of it all. She shook her head at Regina’s next inquiry. What did she desire of her? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Not now. Whatever was between them was wearing off. Dusty remnants all that remained. And even that could be sent out with a single, big breath.

“I’d like to be alone, if you don’t mind.” It was the best solution she could think of. End it now or watch it burn. And while the allure Regina had held was becoming only a memory right before her eyes, she still did not wish the girl harm. From herself or any other. “You can see yourself out.”

There was no venom in her words, they were spoken simply and without anger, but not at all implying a mere suggestion. Moving around her chaise, she left Regina to her sitting room to do as she pleased.

herroyaldarkness:

“Maleficent…” she called out after her, voice falling quiet and losing all of the boldness she’d managed to muster before. She felt far more defeated than she should have. Felt the spikes of rejection piercing every visible inch of her.  How foolish could she truly be? Maleficent didn’t want her here, much less following her around like a desperate dog in need of affirmation, yet that was all she wished for. Tears she’d willed away returned, brimming in her eyes as she stared after the woman who walked away from her, leaving her alone with herself. The last place she wanted to be. Nothing Maleficent asked of her could have been worse than sending her away. Back to the palace that was little more than a prison. 

She’d made it only a few steps away before she stopped dead in her tracks, the girl’s voice falling into that familiar register, no longer something so purposefully provoking. Her eyes fell shut, a long and deep breath pulled in through her nose, and expelled the same way. She was still putting up with it. Still giving her far too much room to move as she pleased. She could spout words of threat but the threat was still nowhere to be seen. Her hand at her side clenched up again, the other pressed against her stomach as though it could still the rage and roar of fire that demanded freedom. She did not turn, she didn’t face her, but her gaze did fall back, just against her own shoulder, waiting to hear what more she found so important to say.

herroyaldarkness:

Maleficent pausing made Regina’s heart constrict with a single thud of hope. Her lips parted, though her throat had run dry and she fought every raging emotion within her to find the right words. If this was her last chance she had to make it count. Yet so much good intent did her little good as her heart once more drowned out her head. ”Don’t make me go,” she found herself blurting out in hoarse whisper. Vulnerability shone clearly in the way her words cracked, and her eyes plead for mercy, still brimming with tears. “Please,” she added, half a step taken towards the woman, but nothing more was allowed.

A sigh escaped, a laughing one almost. Soft and almost silent, and for herself more than anything else. Was it really that easy? A tearful plea and she would bend and forgive? Turning enough to catch a glimpse of Regina behind her, her gaze stayed wary, suspicious, wondering if this too was some act. One look and Maleficent knew, she was not exactly skilled in hiding her true emotions, and the look on her face made it all too clear that this was a genuine one. The only question was did she still care.

Stepping until she was facing Regina straight on again, her words came out matter-of-factly, but not as sharp as she would have liked. “I haven’t made you do anything,” she said as if they both needed to be reminded. Wasn’t that the whole of this…fight they were in? She hadn’t done anything Regina hadn’t let her do willingly, welcomingly, and she still had no intention to.

“If I let you stay how would this be any different than it just was? I don’t think either of us feel any less legitimate in our feelings than we just did. Why should I compromise for you one more time?”